In the Still of the Night
It's 3:24 a.m. again. Can't sleep. I haven't slept much the past few weeks. Something inside me demands I get out of bed the minute my wife begins to snore. I think it's the need to sit in silence, without the demands of my wife or kids. Here, the darkness I can simply exist with myself and my thoughts. It's been a long time since I was able to do that any time of the day or night.
I'm not sure what this says about my marriage or myself as a father and husband. More and more I find myself attempting to isolate myself from my family. I want to be left alone, in silence. The constant noise of voices, television, video games, crash and bang in the kitchen, it all seems too much these days.
The worst of it is whenever I do get a moment where I can simply sit with my thoughts, it lasts only a minute or two. I turn the t.v. off and settle in with a book. The kids are in their room. The wife is doing something in the kitchen. I get one or two pages read and in comes the wife to the living room. She flops into her recliner and immediately flicks on the t.v. and begins surfing through Netflix. She's incapable of sitting in a quiet room.
So, here I am sitting at my desk in the middle of the night, enjoying the silence, and writing. Some would say this isn't healthy. I would retort that sleepless nights are the only thing keeping me sane these days.